Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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