I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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