Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
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It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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