i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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