what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
