omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
