census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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