I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
