Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
