So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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