That's when you crack a 10am beer
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
