ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
