also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
