then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
