Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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