I wish life had little blips of pornography
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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