i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
