you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
