Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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