you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
