The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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