So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
