I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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