it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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