There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
