Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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