i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
