So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
