Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
