I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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