I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There r osticjed everywhere
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
