Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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