Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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