i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
