i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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