it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
