OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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