I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
