whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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