I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
