shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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