remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
