i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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