It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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