sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
