omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
