be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
