my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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