so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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