Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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