if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize