the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
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Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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