Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I love black thongs
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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