puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
