he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
