The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
