I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
