Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Buhtt sex?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
