I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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