Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
