Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So much rum. So many feels.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize
