Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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