rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
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i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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