I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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