There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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