I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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