I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
