Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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