turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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