This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
