he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
