upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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