I love black thongs
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
