Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
