i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
as a side note pls kill me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
